You did not, you overgrown pocket watch!

-Shoutout to HDBooty. Youngest Hutchins turned double digits this week and we appropriately celebrated with guac night, strawberry cake, and baguettes. Here's to another year with this delight.

-Still singlin' it up at church. Nice thing about having Hannah is that we don't have to talk to anyone else. Even Darryl, although he sure wanted to talk to us. At least we remember his name, which is more than we can say for the rest of those chumps. (And we do talk to people, if only for politesse.)
-Skyped it up with Shiboi and his awkwardly clumped facial hair this week. We tried to avoid talking about love whenever dad was in the room, but sometimes Derek didn't get my facial cues when dad was hiding behind my computer. Silly Derek.
-Monday was my first day off from my real person job at Pfizer. I slept in and did my laundry like a real human. Then we had a bbq - and I was just as excited to eat it fresh as I was to eat leftovers for the rest of the week. If there's one thing I missed in France, it's a good burger.
-At work, I'm working on a drug called Tafamidis. It's a suspension that refuses to stay suspended, among other things. We've made some real progress however. Thus I have proposed the new version of the drug be titled Naomidis. Takers?
-While Lavinia was celebrating her day with the parentals, I dragged Isabelle and Moriah along for an evening with Sheri Dew. Anything to get Isabelle away from computer games and give Moriah something to do. I only hope they enjoyed it as much as I did. I also was in bed asleep by 9:30, only to be woken up when Trevor kissed my head. Brothers.

-The Smiths of North Kingston, RI invited the entire Hutchins household over for a day of entertainment and fun (a feat seldom repeated). In opposition to my wishes, our entire family did not rise to the challenge. Lame. I did take a crew of 7 down and we had a blast. Even if Isabelle used seven ice packs throughout the day. To our credit, we offered the Smiths some of our volleyball players and we still came up with all the Ws. What a wonderful family.
-I kept Trevor's bucket hat on even throughout Kevin's Pops concert. We heard classics like Seize the Day, Jessie's Girl, and Wannabe. And if Kevin was ever dating a girl that looked like his dance partner, I will be danged. And Trevor and I both will tell him to hit that.
-Ended the week with some Beauty and the Beast. If only the French people shouted Bonjour! out their windows as you walked by. If I was a Disney Princess, Belle would be right up there on the list, along with Meg, Mulan, and Emperor Kuzco. She likes books and loves her crazy family and lives in France. And doesn't want to get married. (I ain't about that life right now). And my house is almost as great as an enchanted castle.
-Also, shoutout to this guy. Spry till the end. And on to bigger and better things. May he remain anxiously engaged for eternity. Love you, L Tom.

Youthful Exuberance

It's a gift I possess. One that my coworkers are slowly realizing. I've been held back by my burn victim statusMornin to me everyday. Boring. Even this one kid who graduated a year ago is already turned into a zombie. So in addition to curing cancer and rare diseases alike, I've also made a goal to spice it up at work. Even if it means dressing up in a camel costume on Wednesday and wishing all the cubicles a happy hump day.

Speaking of work, here's my favorite moments of the week. (Apart from the fact that I feel like a mad scientist the whole time). First, this guy Andy starts showing me this experiment he wants me to run. It has to occur in a closed environment, so they have a glass box with gloves attached so you can stick your hands in and do stuff without messing up the conditions. He was just showing me some preliminary stuff and then he goes to take his hands out of the gloves and the fingers rip right off! Then we both kind of start freaking out and it was hilarious. He's like Aah! Ok, well it's not that big of a deal. Yes, actually, it is, Andy. Secondly, my boss, Bruce is hilarious and a genius and listens to bird calls in his spare time. He's also really awkward when he tries to leave after checking in on me because he doesn't know how. We both just kind of stand there nodding for a few seconds before I take over. So I taught him break. I explained sports teams will have a huddle and at the end, they all stick their fists in and yell break and lift their hands up. So now that's how we part ways. After hearing my explanation, Bruce says, Turns out this is actually mutual training. We're training each other. Exactly, Bruce. He leaves and peeks his head back in a few seconds later and says, Ok, but I'm not shaving the side of my head! Funny, guy.

You know what else is funny? This painting. Trevor showed me a picture of it. It's literally men riding their beards. Then there's the creepster in the window kidnapping that lady with his beard. (Derek's self-proclaimed goal in life). I bought it.
Also, Moriah's sass. I'm so proud.

Me-What time is it? Moriah-Time for you to get a watch.

Mom-What are you doing? Moriah- Watching Naomi read.
Mom- That's creepy. Moriah- No it's not, Mom. You don't even know. It's not creepy.

Xander's mad because I've read all the books in our collection. All the good ones anyways. I'm the fastest reader because I really just skim enough to get the story. I don't care much about details. Especially kissing details... I like when our family just has unofficial reading parties. Randomly four or five kids end up chilling in the library with books. Solid. Currently, I'm on the Lunar Chronicles. Give me a couple hours and I'll be done.
Family work day happened this week. My least favorite. I spent most of it scrubbing stains out of the shower and weeding my own strawberries. No real complaints. I play the piano a lot. I bought a Les Mis book, but I'm going to need a new book soon. I skipped Derek. No, he's not married. No, he's not sad. He's got his plans A and B to keep him company. And we planned our trip to Europe since Mom and Dad are going to France and didn't even invite me.
Highlight: Dad, Hannah, Kevin, and I went to a Red Sox game. Hot dogs, peanuts, cracker jacks, Taco Bell, the atmosphere, the Green Monster, that Boston skyline, the company, taking over driving responsibilities from my blind father, $20 I found, Sweet Caroline, Nip Nip Cheerio, Pujols, and that Cuban music all but made up for a terrible loss.

And this happened today. Terrifying.

Mistakes. Mistakes have been made.

Mistake #1: Despite the pain in my sunburn, I decided it was still a good idea to participate in our 6am exercise class. Monday's class-cycling. Needless to say, it was not a good idea. Blisters everywhere. I got home from my Pfizer internship around five and laid on the couch with ice packs for the rest of the night. It turned purple and oozed every time I walked down the stairs. Or just walked in general. Then the skin peeled off. And now it's scabbed over. And the scabs break every time I change activities. Here's an updated view:

But the internship at Pfizer is going swimmingly, all mistakes aside. I get to work in a lab and run tests and experiments, kind of like my AP Chemistry class. In fact, I'm now wishing I had paid a little more attention to that. Too late. I made a friend, Maddie Loe, who always gets lost. But she's fun and loves this stuff. I rarely get to see her though, since interns are actually very individual. Here's a problem. Here's some tests we wanted to run. Allez-y quoi.



Mistake #2: So Hannah and I always wanted to shave the sides of our heads and figured this summer would be a good time for that. We wanted to shave the lower part, so we could cover it up if necessary and we wanted steps. Hannah had her appointment while I was at work and it turned out well. I had mine a few days later and, well, see title. It wasn't that bad, just not what I had ordered. The lady was really jittery so we left and Hannah fixed it and bought me ice cream and it's fine.

Mistake #3: Thinking Seussical Musical would be entertaining. Xander got roped into this play and so I took the girls out to see him perform. I mean, I'm sure it would have been better with working equipment and quite a few singing lessons. Xander was a little shy for a fly "Wickersham brother", but it's all good. Here he is, in the back on the left:

Mistake #4: Not supervising Trevor at the mall. I promised I would take him to buy a bucket hat, so I let him go and I went in search of more khakis (do you know how hard it is to find extra extra long sizes?). He came back with a horror only a true American would be proud of. And sunglasses to match.
Mistake #5: Taking Moriah with us to Lavinia's tournament. I mean. If she asks me for a snack one more time, I might wring her little neck. Although I did get her to shout and cheer with me during the games. All the parents were freaking out about dumb things, so I tried to ease the tension with my cheering: Yeah, physical activity! We love basketball! HD Booty in the house! Full speed ahead and ram 'em! Rip her arms off! I'm just yelling things! Hockey time! Yeah scorekeepers: you're an integal part of this game and you're doing great! Etc. They won their first game of the season and lil HD Booty scored 14 points. And Moriah did some good poses. Cheers.

Mistake #6: Going to the Singles Ward. Always a mistake. Good news is that a group of ten normal boys moved here from Utah to do summer sales and we are planning on taking them to the paint if they ever stop working. We also befriended some...other people. And had food at a linger longer.
Mistake #7: Ever coming home from a mission. Seriously best time of my life. It just wasn't long enough. I keep having dreams the President Roney lets me go back to Cannes for one more transfer. I'm secretly hoping it'll come true. Two years from Friday I went to the MTC. And now my Elders are home, and it just goes too fast. That mission is the celestial kingdom.

May the Fourth be with you

A Summary of Events from last Sunday (since our wifi is buns). 

-I went to the Singles Ward and got called to be a ward missionary, along with another recently returned RM. No surprises there, really.

-The fam accompanied me in watching the newer Star Wars trilogy in honor of Star Wars day (May 4). I bought mini glow stick light sabers at the dollar store to make it really unforgettable. 

-I had to buy myself conditioner because apparently nobody else in this house cares about their hair. 

-I found fitting roller blades and my accordion and worked on my skills every day. 

-I visited the old stomping grounds with Hannah and Kevin- the high school, Chris Albanese's office, the mall for some khakis that I'm required to wear in the fall. 

-I babysat for the Kitleys. There was a fair amount of running, chasing, and throwing kids onto couches. As per usual.

-We got a bunch of kids to play some ball down at the church and several people asked why I didn't play basketball for BYU. Well. 

-Hannah and I drove to Kevin's basketball practice and went to the beach in between games. I'll be danged, but the sun had the audacity to burn us through the clouds. Hannah's feet and the back of my knees were so red and swollen. I have the mobility of C3PO, if that. We did get to visit the Smith's on the way back and Kevin decided it was funny to slap my sunburn. It wasn't. 

-Sunday again I went to our home ward to listen to Trevor's talk in church. After him, the speaker invited his little daughter up to ask her questions about her mom: How do you know Mom loves you? What do you love about Mom? Stuff like that. And then real crap came up: What does Mom love? POOP! Boost.

-Speaking of which, Kevin carved the word poop into the stain in our tub. Good times at home.

And here's a picture of the beach that had the audacity to burn us:

This is the story of how we die.

Storm Trooper Mallows

Shan, Eric, and Baby Russell,
in proper Star Wars fashion.

Last week:
-I lived in my apartment illegally for some time.
-I got blisters walking to a Star Wars graduation party in the rain. I was chosen to wear the Boba Fett costume.
-Derek and I projected Empire Strikes Back onto my wall.

Wookie Cookies

There we are. Boba Fett, reincarnated.

Saturday: Provo, UT to Fort Collins, CO (with a little Wyoming)

Yo, Road Trip Tyler be trippin'. Road trippin'. -Derek, because Tyler was late getting us his car.

We found Theodore, the blanket, in the car. Many dates with Ted followed.

All the semi trucks ruined our lives. Passing them on small single lane roads in the fog isn't as easy as it looks.

We got to Zach and Alana's place around five. Just enough time to wrestle on the trampoline, have jumping contests, and volunteer for a bum-crushing. Meanwhile, Lauren bonded with Lincoln.

At dinner, we went around the table, swearing blood oaths to kiss Uncle Jarrod upon his arrival, in exchange for dessert. He hated it.

We stayed up all night talking to Hunter and Porter. And convincing Lauren to shower.

Sunday: Nebraska and Iowa

Even David got up to see us off. 

Nebraska- The Good Life. That's what the sign said. If you ask me, went on for too long and smelled too strongly of poop.

What are you, six? -Zach, in response to our pizza Lunchables.

I don't think I've ever been uglier. We're not leaving until I look like a human again. 
-Lauren

And sometimes, when that's
your calling, you make a face
like this.

Eating Lunchables at the Winter Quarters
temple in Hawaiian shirts. 

Pictured in the Visitor's Center are the men called to return wagons to the east, once companies arrived in Salt Lake.





Day Three: Nauvoo. All day.

All the rides. Carriage, Cart, and Oxen.

This will one day take Lauren's kids
to their school.

Complimentary breakfast starting at 4:30 a.m. And complimentary brisket dinner one night only.

70s Hall. The MTC before it was cool.

Courting Candles. Everyone has them. Your dad gives suitors a time limit to talk to his daughters. The more he likes the suitor, the more time he gets.

This is us. Sculpting the
faces of our nonexistent BFs. 

Bustle Ovens. Everyone has these too. They're just regular ovens, but all the guides were really excited about them.

Free gingerbread cookies, bread, rope making Goldilocks bricks, nail rings, and horseshoes.

Check out the temple in the back.

Pop goes the weasel. Apparently a weasel is a machine associated with sewing or something.

Girls are like rocks. Skip the flat ones. -Lauren's bro

 This is my favorite picture of Lucy Mack Smith. -Lauren.
This is the only picture of Lucy Mack Smith. -missionary.

How was your Monday?

Only twenty more hours until we have to wake up tomorrow. I hate that about us. -Lauren

Day Four: Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Maryland, Pennsylvania

Driving fifteen hours and only stopping once. Never a good idea. Illinois-Fields of Opportunity. Indiana-Beef Steak House. Jokes. Indiana-Crossroads of America. Ohio-So Much to Discover. Pennsylvania-Wild and Wonderful. Also, in this part of the country, nobody uses their blinkers anymore.

Remember that time we had to do a U turn on the purple heart highway? -Lauren
Remember that time we left the gas cap off until we got back on the highway? -Me

Steak and Shake with our waitress Coco. 1. Lauren, you ate that shake motha fast. 2. You want any lettuce? Cuz you don't like nothing that starts with L. Like yo name. Lauren. Lemons. Lettuce. 3. I'mma send my guardian angels after y'all. I would hate for two girls that I love...that I served...to die.

I got two beds in this room because I figured we'd be fighting by now. -Me

Nobody told me you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year. Also that the Pennsylvania Turnpike expects $20 tolls. I hate that.

Day Five: Hershey, PA to NJ to NYC to CT. 
We ate Hershey bars in Hershey, PA. We ate Dunkin Donuts in New England. We braved New York traffic to see the Statue of Liberty. We braved my house in CT. Although we didn't escape unscathed. Lauren had her nails painted. We went to the beach to touch the Atlantic Ocean.

Day Six: Boston
Freedom Trail. Not so free, as it turns out. But lovely. We saw the water front. Paid exorbitant sums of money for parking. Climbed the monument, all 300 stairs, and didn't die. Yet. Gallivanted around in Boston. Ate at a French restaurant. And returned Tyler's car, unscathed.

Day Seven: MA
After my lovely uncle, Aaron, picked me up from the worst of Boston traffic, I got to hang out at his house for a day. We played Guillotine, Pit, and Five Crowns. I drilled Anna at basketball. I weeded a garden and Mimi recounted family history. Grampy kept telling me stories instead of napping. Mimi kept feeding me and trying to trick me into marriage. Sara and I went out for donuts. Grampy bought me some grape juice. And my parents took me to Friendly's.

Day Eight: Singles Ward. 
If there's one thing I hate, it's singles wards outside of BYU. Especially if I have to drive people I don't know an hour away to hang out with more shy people that I don't know. But hey, they called me as a ward missionary, so it's solid. Then this happened.