Two Birds, No Stones, But A Lot of Blubes

Nothing interesting is happening in my life, so here's the two-for-one treatment. I think this is what happens when you work a nine-to-five: tired all day, eat dinner, one hour of freedom, bed. I hate that.

I took Trevor to a Brand New / Modest Mouse concert. I had forgotten what non-UT concerts were like. We got free soda, for promising not to drink and had just as much fun people watching as listening to the music. People are weird.

Back to my summer theme, "Mistakes Have Been Made", I went running Saturday morning. I felt really good the first 3.5 miles. Then the 94 degree weather hit me and I was on the verge of heat exhaustion for the rest of it.

The parentals escorted Kevin and myself to Krempy's house so he and Aaron could do the PH ordination (which is still questionable in my books, seeing as his records technically belong to the RI Stake still). We took a dive in the pool and ate some delicious mashed potatoes.

Sunday at the Singles Ward, I met this new girl, America who wants to be friends with me. She kept sitting next to me and complimenting me on stuff, but never laughed at any of my patriotic puns, so it might be a deal breaker.

I need the smell of summer, need its noises in my ears. -Brand New

I've been writing lots of raps and tracks lately, while I've got Garageband at my disposal. They're not at all good, but the keep me entertained. Kevin's working on a piece about the bloodnugs, and it's pretty hilarious, so get ready for that.

My friend from work, Samira, brought her kid Tameem and niece Sophia to our house to pick some blubes. They were actually more interested in the tire swing (which they couldn't get on alone) and the tree house (same). But since everyone went to Friendly's that night, they had no one to help them until Lavinia got home from a friend's house.

 It was elliptical woman's last day at work on Friday, so everyone brought in breakfast. I profited. It was delicious. I think I was full for the rest of the day.

The blessed mother took Kevin, Lavinia, Isabelle, and I shopping with her. But only after some serious math confusion. When is she taking that class again? Yikes. I got a few things I needed for school, Kevin got a few things for mission, the girls usually get stuff just 'cuz. We ate at Sarku Japan, which seemed like the real world version of subtraction soup to me and Kev.

I made 24-hour flat bread. It took 24 hours. And shopping took longer than expected, so it was left rising too long and reversed the process, leaving it flat. Still tasted pretty good, though.

And I read the Ascension trilogy by Jennifer Nielson on Sunday. I'm not a huge fan of the writing style, but the story is okay, and the kid is sassy as heck. Naturally, I loved it. I was pleasantly surprised several times by his salty retorts. #goals

You know that game where you twist the apple stem while singing the ABCs?
Then whatever letter it falls off at starts the name of your future spouse?
That's how this started.

We've been boogyswoggled!

This was a short week for me. We returned late Monday from Virginia. Thursday, my Pfizer account (and associated emails, badging, computer, wifi, etc) were all shut down, and I had to get my lovely boss Andy to come to the IT desk, where they waited for us to be on the phone forever before going to the account manager two desks down to fix the problem within a minute. Our soccer team slayed. And there's a new app called Pokemon Go that everyone is playing. Get on the boat.

Friday the Chin, the Cheek, Lavinia, and Moriah went up to Palmyra. I started out driving and after the Chin spent the first three hours in the back seat, he designated himself driver for the rest of the trip. We hit up the Chill & Grill for dinner and stopped in at the BOM printing shop that dad loves.

We got celebrity seating at the play. Dad met his boy, Joseph Smith. Moriah met King Noah. Lavinia was cranky. And I met a guy who dies falling off a mini cliff (since they're taking the big cliff deaths out). And we all loved the trumpeters and Jesus. 

We stayed at a hotel, where Moriah and I shared a bed. Word to the wise: when you sleep next this lady, make sure you cut her gremlin toe nails in advance. We breakfasted at Lehigh's diner and as per usual, Moriah out-ate us all. 

In large part due to my insistence, we went to Niagara Falls while in the neighborhood. We took a quick ride on the Maid of the Mist, emphasis on the mist. Moriah hates boats but apparently had fun. Holla partial-family vacations. 

Merica.

Let's start with the disturbing news:

1. My realization that our manner of singing church hymns would work equally well for funeral dirges has forever ruined them. I've always been a supporter of fast, loud songs anyways.

2. I had a headache on Sunday because the building was super hot and I couldn't get enough water to drink. That headache worsened significantly and I had some weird eyeball flashes that had me questioning the integrity of my retinae. It stopped by noon, but then the Mom Lady decides to tell me that our family has a history of hypoglycemia. Ok, any other genetic problems I should know about?? Not that I'm remotely concerned anyways.

3. Brexit. (AKA the UK voting to leave the European Union). My Scottish friends are in a tizzy about this. At least one of them is moving forever to Australia, hoping for a lifetime supply of beers, babes, and banter.

And for the good news. The higher highlights of my life.

1. Free food. My gym instructor, Chris, mentioned a free lunch at a team building outdoor games event for some department here. Naturally, I attended, along with several interns I invited. We ate a ton of their food and stole the volleyball court. They had these donuts hanging off the net, left from a donut eating challenge, and whoever knocked one off had to eat it. Stakes were high. I also got free pizza one day, and there was an interdepartmental nitrogen ice cream competition, so I sampled each and voted for my favorite.

2. I had a goal to spend some time in D.C. this summer, so the Mom Lady invited me to Trevor's VA basketball tournament. Other than the temple, I didn't spend much time in the city, however. My temple worker guy had a classy white eyepatch. And those stained glass windows brought back great memories of family vacations where the kids just had to sit on the outside and wait.

Then we tried to go to D.C. and this is as much as we saw before the Mom Lady turned us around. This, friends, is the longest escalator in the world. Probably.

We did get to go to the colonial Williamsburg town that's Mom's favorite city that she donates to every year. What. That said, she had no plans for us other than to meander around, and no preferences on which buildings to stop at. Good news is, I have some great ideas for future house decorations now.

We visited the only plantation WITHOUT cotton plants. I was really looking forward to an accurate historical representation and there's not even cotton. Just tobacco. Which Mom was interested in. For recreational purposes. 

 Then I used this weird device to scrape some wood. One guy was mad. The other guy thought it was funny and would have let me keep doing it.

Then we saw these kids piping around. Mom thinks they do this year round. I would be a piper if it got me out of school. 

And the best part was the acquisition of our new Jefferson 5.0's and some chilled 'beers. Stylin'. 

Other than that, we went to church with a giant cicada. Ate monster breakfasts every morning and then tried to avoid food the rest of the day. Trevor balled it up and I worked out at the hotel gym. Mom read her psychology text book. I finished the Mistborn series - and am awestruck at that guy's writing. Trevor almost finished Lost.

3. And finally, happy America Day. Hope you celebrated by listening to the Hamilton soundtrack on repeat, eating unhealthily, firing your gun aimlessly into the sky, and making sure to put the eagle topped on your freedom tree.

Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings.

We shouldn't get mad at Canada for being good at hockey. It's their sport. That's like getting mad at America for winning a war. 

If America was a high school, what type of kid would each state be?

(Some British guy): The whole thing would be a special needs school.

(Some American guy): Oh yeah, how many moon landings does your school have?

I would hope you're keeping your house at a temperature greater than 0C...

How much is that in freedom units?

32 Freedoms. 

And here's a "Clue" quote we should revisit:
Policeman: You don't have anything to worry about.
Mr. Green: We don't?
Policemen: No, it's a free country, don't you know.
Mr. Green: I didn't know it was that free.