What other words start with "dia"? Diarrhea.

Funny story of the week: Once when I was seven years old, I got some weird rash on my arms and legs and the parentals were freakinggggg out wondering what it was. I told them it was probably an allergic reaction to sunscreen. Partially because I hated wearing sunscreen, partially because I had put some on the day before and it made sense to my seven-year-old mind.

Flash forward to present day, where I haven’t really worn sunscreen since, except on rare occasions where it’s a special kind. Frankly, I think I made that whole thing up as an excuse to never have to put on sunscreen again.

Well joke’s on me, because it’s a very real allergy. Last Friday in St. George, my calves were burning up, so I put on some normal sunscreen. Mistake. Mistakes have been made. By Monday, I had itchy hives all over my legs. By Wednesday, my sinuses were so bad I couldn’t breathe and couldn’t think and probably did really poorly on my pharmacology test. That’s the worst it got because starting at noon, I had plenty of time to sleep it off. But we’ll get back to that.

Um, this is a no judgment zone, but Hutch, don't you want to
dress up?? -Chris

While all this was developing, I was trying to finish a week’s worth of HW, including a 10 page paper and studying for this crazy hard pharm test. I met with my coworker about our research job, got cleared for graduation, made and printed an educational pamphlet on BYU’s AT program, and met with my chem teacher to learn 2 class’ worth of material in advance. I hung out with Trey for like 20 minutes and went on a run before I started dying.

I'm just gonna pull it out and urinate on it. -Aaron

Wednesday I left for CO’s annual RMATA meeting. We had two whole vans of students go this year! Naturally, all the fourth semesters took a van to ourselves. I slept most of the way, thanks to some antihistamine/decongestant. People kept praying for me to not die. You know what that means…immortality.

What about the deep heat between Matt and Hutch in the hot tub last night? -Aaron

Aside from great educational classes (which it was still really hard for me to focus on), highlights of Thursday included a face-to-face meeting with potential boss, a DISMAL quizbowl showing, and hot tub that helped me breathe normally.

When you get skunked at quiz bowl, but at least you have pizza.

The Student Symposium wasn’t as good as last year’s. Mainly because the Student Senate didn’t listen to any of my ideas and kept scheduling meetings during my classes. Draper was disappointed there wasn’t even a taping contest. My guy Randy Cohen did a really good presentation on concussion tx, we cheered Draper so hard at his diathermy class, and I taught Wyatt how to get lots of free swag from the vendors.

Quality cartoons from my guy, Randy.

The BYU crew went to Rodizio’s for dinner. Which is like Tucanos, but at least twice as expensive, judging from the bill. It was good. And obviously I sat next to Draper, who wrecked me so hard the whole night. It’s all in good fun, but he had a few zingers. The more I get to know Naomi, the more I wish I had died of my heart attack. WHAT??? Haha. I love him.

Is Naomi in this van? Okay, make room for me in the other one!

Saturday half of our crew stayed for the classes, while the other half chilled at the hotel all morning (not really sure what THAT was about…). We started playing a game kind of like the dictionary game, but in an app called Psych. I won J

He's a little young for you. I guess that's why
they call you sleazy Veazey. -Aaron

A few girls saw the name George Karl on our agendas on Thursday and were freaking out ever since. Then we found out THE George Karl, ex-coach of the Denver Nuggets was really coming as our keynote speaker. So we sat front row and got pictures with him before the RMATA board could even pluck up the courage to talk to him. You’re welcome, chicas.

Coor's Light can taste like champagne if you win and piss if you lose. -George

Zach and the kids drove up to Denver for some pizza and skate park time with Cousin Naomi. And nobody even got bumcrushed. Ruth instantly trusted me. Alara never did. We played duck duck goose. Good family time. And their van really does have flames on it.

I did some work while everyone else went to dinner. Then we all watched Aladdin and I got voted best cuddler by Larsen and Emily. Who’da thunk.

One nine hour car ride and a lot of tissues had me landed back in Provo, at almost my normal status.

That's Our Motto: Never Satisfied.

Week 47.

We’re running out of snacks.

I got to the second level of Injustice challenge round, final battle, and see THIS mother licker who has freaking infinity life and a bazillion damage. What.

I wasn't kidding. Check out my guy Flashpoint Batman

Tuesday was Pi Day and Rachel was bored, so I convinced her to buy us some goods – and they were good. We got a Jumbleberry and a Reeses PB, the latter being my favorite. Thanks Village Inn for being so prepared.

This is round 3, folks.

Hannah cut Westes’ hair, so he decided to tip her in Magleby’s. And also me, because that was the only way I would agree to hang out with them. And that’s the story of how I ate the best grilled cheese sandwich of my life for free.

Matt, my friend from Boise State, called to warn me that we might need to send an appeal to US Quidditch because, in reviewing the film, it was very clear that not only did the scorekeepers (*cough cough*) miss 1, maybe 2 goals for their team, but also USQC’s seeker was definitely beat before he caught the snitch. Which means we should have gotten second place and a trip to nationals.

I said yes to a trip to St. Geezy's,
Sportin' my Nikes, no dust on the yeezys

The QD team went to club night and recruited some potential...

The weather was lovely and distracting. I tried to do my HW outside, to little avail. Hannah convinced me to go to the park where I played on the swings until a small child started throwing rocks at me.

At the weekly engineering club basketball game, some kid started quoting The Emperor’s New Groove and I instantly liked him.

See y'all later, have fun at the lake
Van packed and out - don't forget to hydrate.

After 14 emails, my physics TA finally agreed to let me do my lab early because I’ll miss it next week. Then he let me skip the last part. Curtis has his good days.

Thursday Moochday. I crashed the end of institute to get the pizza – and found out my delightful QD friend Taylor is in my stake. Then I crashed a birthday party for the brownies and ice cream. Then I made a deal with AT Matt to get his BOC prep book in exchange for a pizza. So he ate it while we watched the live action Avatar Last Airbender.

Because you ALWAYS provide special instructions.

The football team convinced me to go to St. George with them. They’re lucky I like them so much. They also found out that I rap, so Steve asked me to write something about the trip, which I did while they were setting up their tents (aka I had a while…). It was hot and dry and I even used sunscreen, which lessened my burns. It was fun until the ride back with the EQ managers – you know how I feel about them.

Um, excuse me? Can you turn off the bumps?

QD practice moved to 10am and it was a delightfully warm day. The new recruits showed up and we only had one injury. This also marks the day when the team finds out all my best friends are eighty year old men. 

Well, I'm not willing to part with my kidney just yet, so
you'll have to live with this pain-relieving gel I found.

A group from the team hiked up to the Hot Springs in Spanish Forks. Admittedly, this was probably the best hike I've ever travelled. One of the kids brought a date, so I pretended to be on a date with a kid named Ryan, but then his kidneys started hurting and I backed out before he could make any serious demands. 

The waterfall was cold enough to give me an instant brain freeze. The hot springs were hot enough to burn the flesh straight off my feet. Maybe I'll stick to the manmade water works. I'm so pampered.

That's the squad. (Except the two kids on a date went missing under
mysterious circumstances ten minutes in...)

It was a hand and foot night of the ages. Ho'o, Lauren, Mandy, and Lauren crushed it (and by that I mean just the ones that were on my - THE WINNING - team). Mandy told us about flight safety precautions, Ho'o stayed far away from the youth cushion, Lauren told us all about how she likes things slow, and Lauren announced several times: "IS THERE ANY CHOCOLATE IN THIS HOUSE?" which we promptly ignored. I like these kids.

Taylor Bly. My new friend and NOT an 80y old man.
She's delightful and one of the best humans and just gets it.
Can't say enough good things here.
Lauren, if you're reading this, stop being jealous. 

Call Me a Pringle: Salty & Single

I have shoulder impingement now, so add that to the growing list.

I would do this. 

In case you forgot I was funny, I was talking to a kid from the QD tournament and he apologized for tackling me. I said Nah, it was a great hit. Doesn’t mean I don’t want revenge, though. To which he responded: Ok, little miss innocent Mormon… And I replied, Listen. Just because I won’t down a shot of whiskey, doesn’t mean I can’t take down a couple of chasers. Let’s. Go. 

My favorite of all the humans. He's gotta hold his eyeballs open
bc he keeps falling asleep. 

 This week was rough. It’s hard to focus on anything scholastic when The Grandfather is in town. Family dinner was conveniently planned during my physics lab, so I had a solo lunch with the man, myth, and legend. Not mad.

"I don't do closed quotes. I like to leave things open."

After my second physics class of the week, I had an intramural basketball game – where we were ranked lowest in the highest division. Yikes. Trey, Taylor, and Alexis came and cheered, those lovely people. We lost, but barely. I had some nice post moves though.

"Mine's made with love."
"What's mine made with?"
"Casualness."

Since G Money extended his UT stay, Mimi got her hair done at Hannah’s school while Grampy missed out on a free head massage. Muffed it. Afterwards, I went to lunch with those three and Porter at Zupas. They loved it. And now I have a pinky CTR ring to match the big guy. (Also a sword-cane to inherit??)

This man is about to go into hibernation mode after CanCanning with us. 

I took a break to do HW, then we were back at it. The Hutchins Trio showed up (with Porter) for a somewhat impromptu family dinner (to which the Schenewarks arrived late). We then brought the cheer squad to Josh’s city league game.

Because we have to have nice pictures for the funeral slide show. 

We left at half time so I could crush my history test. Booyah.

"We're all in the same game; just different levels.
Dealing with the same hell; just different devils." -graffiti

I went to Isaiah’s Girl’s Night for a bit. I ate pizza, made fun of people, and coached a few dinkers in the art of card shuffling. (At which I am NO expert).

"Think salty thoughts!" -Hannah 

I showed up to The Attic Series (a rebranded poetry night), which acquiesced to my request to maintain its freeness. You’re welcome. I had a whole section of mission and quidditch folk there to support my amateur white rapping. Holla back. SEE BELOW FOR POEMS. 

This is why we braved the jackal-infested wilderness. 

The quidditch folk and I got ice cream and chatted for a while. It was nice. I feel like I’ve known them forever. Then I picked Hannah up from Girl’s Night. I missed out on facials and Cards Against Humanity, but I heard some quality freestyle from Isaiah’s brother, so who’s the real winner?

"He's nice...obese..." -Lauren

At 4am, the Hutchins cubed left for the Salt Flats to see the sun rise. We took a slight detour to shubberous mountain land, where the jackals (and by that Hannah meant jackalopes) roam free and attack innocent passersby with a vengeance. We barely escaped with our lives.

"Feeling discouraged? Don't mope. There's hope. Do dope. Nope." -graffiti 

We booked back to the roadside stop at the flats. There was some nice graffiti, some nicer dance moves, and our car didn’t even deteriorate yet. Count our blessings.

This one's for Shiboi who couldn't see the salt flats in my IG pic. 

We stopped by the boulangerie on the way home for a French breakfast. It was more expensive and not as good, but way better than anything American. I love pain au chocolat.

That's warm bread filled with chocolate, folks. 

I met up with the QD peeps plus Cam to hike the Y. It wasn’t as bad as I remembered. Actually, halfway up, I kind of wanted more of a hike. We jammed and chatted and did NOT carry brooms.

Proof that I hiked the Y (Greg/Trevor). 

Lauren came over for a bit, which was lovely and unexpected. I love how much we don’t have to stress out in our friendship. It’s easy and wonderful.

I am the Queen of Salt and this is my kingdom.

Hannah and I went to a ward activity. (This is one for the books.) It was just a pizza party at Evan’s house (our 2^nd counselor, and also our favorite). Aside from being a delightfully quirky human, he’s also way loaded and has 2 pianos, a pool, waterslide, rope swing, hot tub, and shooting range in his house. And he told us we could host events there whenever we want J Come. At. Me.

Bringing our own salt to the flats. Come at us.

Half-Blood Prince of Bel Air

(you know what tune to sing this to...)

Now, this is a story all about how

My life got ascendio’d upside down

And I'd like to take some time

Just find a good niche

I'll tell you how I got into a game called Quidditch.

In eastern Kiwanis the game began

With six hoops in an oval and colored head bands

Brooms are up, stagger, no swagger fast paced

Chasers shootin the quaffle with aggressive grace

When a couple of beaters went to stop the race

By hurling ice cold bludgers right in their face

I scored and tackled kids and had lots of fun

They said 'Please come with us to Regionals out in Washington.’

Brooms up for game 1 against Boise State:

A team full of huge, black, ex football players. Great.

Took out the big guy, then got tackled by his brother

They came back with a vengeance and then boy were we smothered

After that, yo, we crushed it

Some clutch snitching had three games won and done with

Is this what the Provo Night Furies living like?

Hmm, this might be alright.

But wait – game v our rivals USQC

Those chumps walked on the field, expecting an easy beat

I don’t think so

Us new players were clutch

Utah State Quidditch just can’t handle the Hutch

The games were done, and our bruises were nursed

The results came in: us Night Furies were tied three ways for first

I ain’t trying to lose now, but then we got word

That our low total score bumped us down to third

The Furies lost out on our World Cup bid

But the fight ain’t over, not for these dedicated kids

Tickets bought to the lone star state loser’s bracket

We still got a shot, but we’ll need some more practice

Pulling up to the field at noon Saturdays

Mind full of game film and various plays

I looked at my kingdom

Finally on pitch

To take you all down in a game called Quidditch

The new mixtape cover for #6andUP.

Boost Ya Life

The Hutch is in the house, boosting my guy T Sizzle

Too little wit to block hits from this mixtape missile

You might dodge a bullet, but I cripple with this shade

Count it down and try to block this lyrical grenade

Choose your weapon, boy: mace, broadsword, or pistol

Like the old Olympic games, this shiz is official

Check in on the scale, now fated to fail

You’re measured, you’re weighed, same as Dicken’s great whale

But nothing frustrates like your… saxophone?

Abusing volume limits, losing hearing, Just…don’.

When the war vets hear you playing, they’ll go back to their trenches

Madamn arrête tous ca! Don’t pardon my Frenches.

Harmful armfuls of oral art imparted til you faint.

You’re a space jam martian guard, I go hard in the paint

You’re like Tayshaun Prince, while I’m Shaquille O’Neal

Yikes, wipe up that wound and let the blood congeal

Now, listen up Trev, ‘cuz I ain’t here to boast

You know I work hard, going coast to coast

Spittin nonfiction, here’s a dose of my prose

Pullin you apart to eat with jam and toast

Openin the doors you have tried to close

Givin you a chance, not quite, but almost

This is not an ode to you, bro, it’s a roast

Fight club’s in session, grab your crab meat for dayysss

Still think you’re on fleek? Well let me rephrase

You’re a fungus-footed hobbit, not some Hercules

A stubby little gnome challenged vertically

Put that pencil down, boy, it’s time to leave the Shire

The only thing you’re drawing here is enemy fire

If that’s not clear, let me paint you a picture

Your art’s a disaster: 9 of 10 on the richter

Respond to a quandary spawned by your next of kin -

Why does the squad still call you by your nickname, little Tim ?

Muscles flatter than a cracker, fact, not acting, it’s atrophy

Stack factors that matter, always attacking with audacity

Your strategizin’s ill-advised it’s wise to take the fall

These ideal raps hypnotize, your rhymes do nothing at all

It’s your call: deploy annoying poems you’ve been producing

Or go ahead and soil yourself and take this all-time boostinggggg