Je suis le Chef

Autun

     French Fact: If you were wondering, Where the Wild Things Are is translated into Max et les Maximonstres en francais. Weird. This week, we were able to meet with a lot of families with young kids and I struggled real bad to think of activities for them. Apparently I'm not allowed to tell them stories about cannibals. But I thought about reading one of the books I bought with them, but none of them were probably very good for small children. And I really can't relate them very well to the gospel. 

     Last P Day, we met with our friend Christelle. She still isn't trope interested in the gospel, but we sneakily teach her. And then she feeds us French Noel chocolates. It's really a win-win. We finally took a bus out to Autun, like an hour away. We met with our Branch President and his family. Their daughter, Agathe, is turning in her mission papers soon, so I'm psyched for her! We also have a new ami, Billy, who speaks English. He's great but frustrating. Don't worry, I convinced him that he believes in God after about forty minutes. And gives us his address and phone number. He told me I should be a lawyer and then left to go to his driving class. He called us like ten minutes later to say that he left really fast because he was scared of me. Then we had a lesson with Stephane. He is awesome. He should be a member. He is so smart and already has ingrained a lot of principles into his life that members should be working on acquiring. There was such a spirit in the room and although he's not ready to be baptized, I think he will be. He's probably my favorite ami. He also updates me on the Chalon basketball team, so it's not surprising really. Claudia, our engagee, is doing well, but she's going to be out of town visiting her sick cousin. (Look at her, already comforting those in need of comfort and whatnot). I'm hoping we'll be able to get her family involved soon. She is slow to understand but willing to try. In trying to visit a less active, we met a Muslim guy who was really funny. He would repeat everything we said while closing his eyes and kind of leaning back. "Oh, les Americaaaaaans! Pour l'Eglise de Jesus-Chriiiiiiiist". You had to be there. We met with the DuCoeur family for a soiree familial. He is divorced and has three kids, so we ate and did a fun little activity with them. When we left, the older son tried to bisous us. Aka, kiss our cheeks. It's normal here, but let's just say he probably won't try that again soon.

     In other news, I finished Jesus the Christ! And boy, is there a stellar ending to that book. Really the whole thing is great. I can't say I was ever disappointed with it. Sisters Jones and Christensen introduced us to their new ami, Nar Nar. He's black and trying to learn English. Now we see him everywhere. Once, I happened to have a talk by President Monson and so I gave it to him. I also taught him part of the law of chastity because a flirty Muslim started to talk with us too. I figured they could use it. We got a new ami too. His name is Henzo, he's 22, and loves America. He followed us all the way to the Gare and texts us all the time. He professes to want to learn more about our religion, but then he says we can't meet in church and he has to buy us drinks. I think he really just wants to be friends. And by friends I mean, probably more than that, judging by the creepster texts he sends out. Yikes. So we broke up with him for now. But we gave him a Book of Mormon.

Training is like having a daughter.  I'm a mom! 

     It's almost the end of the transfer, so we did Bible predictions. I got Isaiah 42:13 and 2 Nephi 29:2. It was prophesied that I would be training and crying repentance somewhere. Pretty accurate. I'm staying in Chalon, but training a blue. Everyone already feels sorry for her. I can't imagine why. We met with Joana and Fernando and their family. We tried to watch the Restoration in Portuguese, but their DVD player was broken. So we read the scriptures together. My scanty Portuguese was able to translate that they are waiting to hear if they are allowed to stay in France or if they're going to get kicked out onto the streets. They have so much faith and I hope they get to stay here. We also met with Frere Ortega, the piano maitre, and his five year old daughter and his girlfriend for a soiree familial. That was good. They tell me that the girl is normally super shy, but she came right out and after the lesson, we played peek-a-boo and threw pillows at each other. Kids are great. Until the next day, when a member in a nursing home asks you how many kids you have and then tells you to make sure you get married in the temple. She's really very mentally stable, but sometimes I wonder. I wonder about her and Elder Miller, a senior missionary, who tried to set me up with a Tongan volleyball player who graduated from BYU the next day at Stake Conference. Gross. 

     You know what isn't gross? Milk from a dispenser. It's like American milk. You just take a bottle put in a Euro and catch the milk as it comes out and then enjoy the whole liter in the next 48 hours, or it'll go bad. That's not really a problem for me though. Our DMP, Frere Landre fell again, but we went over to his house, because my companion, Soeur Packard is leaving. He can move around, but just doesn't want to because it's dangerous. He has a cane though. That was a mistake. Who trusted him with that thing? I can't tell you how many times I was frapped on the tete. He shouldn't be asking what Soeur Packard's first name is. It's written on her plaque. Duh. 

Best present EVEEER!

He reminded me again that sister missionaries are supposed to be delicate and feminine and I'm like Sione en fille. Sione is a big rugby player in our ward. Hm. I might need a cane soon though, because I had to pay an arm and a leg for a new bottle of iron pills. Yikes. I never knew. Thank you to anyone who has ever bought me vitamins. I also got to see Pascale and the Lepores (her cousins) because they're all in our ward! I love them. Missions are the best. Oh yeah and remember how we broke the toilet seat? And it's been tied to my bed for several weeks now? Well we took it down, cleaned it off, and added really attractive pictures of ourselves in the middle and gave it to the Millers, the senior couple, as a wall ornament. Best present I've ever given. December 7 is baptism day. Pray for that.

Sione, the Rugby Player

Spiritual Push-Ups

     French Fact. They like when you're American. They like telling you that you are American. A lot of times people are like, "You're not from here, are you?" And then I get really offended and say that I am from France, as you can tell by my French accent. They laugh and say there is no way you are from France. Then, my comp usually hasn't said anything, so they ask if she's French. Then I get more offended. They laugh some more. And then I invite them to learn how to be happier. 

Auto Tamponantes in Chalon

     Last Monday was my half birthday. Woot Woot! Pretty much all of Chalon knows me at this point, so they had a week-long carnival in my honor! I could only go to it on Pday, but the efforts were appreciated comme meme. Really, I only liked the Auto Tamponantes (aka Bumper Cars) and this really long string candy that tasted kind of like Sour Patch Kids. Also, I decided I only like French shoes and children's books. So that's all I like to look at when my companion wants me to go shopping. But if you can find a sweet book about how to get rid of vampires, who's complaining? Not I, said the little red hen. I also hit my five month mark last week. Sisters Christensen and Jones made me a sign on my desk about it and figured I'd be upset so they bought me a chocolate eclair to make up for it. The challenge of the week was to have a Monster Day. That's when you walk really fast and work more hours than normal. Honestly, it felt like a normal day, but with less meal times. I think the only major difference was attitude. We decided to do it and we were amped up and ready to work hard. We were anticipating miracles and actively seeking them. We ended up having like six lessons in one day. Which is awesome. The only problem is keeping that attitude all the time. I think I do pretty well, but I just have to get my comp to want it too. Working on it. 

     Our mission is really stressing having conversations with people versus just contacting them. I like this. You never know what will happen. I told a guy that I liked his mustache a lot and I've been trying to grow one for years and can he teach me? He laughs and then I have to be really creative in tying it in to Jesus Christ. In our District Meeting this week, Elder Kunzler told us that it's really good when you let people feed you because it helps them to love you more. He told us about a contact he had, where some ladies made him sandwiches. So I tried it out this week and this guy ripped me off a piece of his hot dog. It was pretty good. Also, a lady called us "immable" which apparently means nice and polite, so we used it in the rest of our contacts that day because it was such a weird word. I would just say Are you immable? Or what is immable? Or what can we do to be more immable? You know who is immable? Jesus Christ. 

Making New Friends

     Here's a miracle. We have our family that really doesn't speak French and we planned a lesson with them. We had tried all the people we knew to get to teach with us but couldn't find anyone. All day I was praying that if it was God's will, He would help us find someone to teach with so that this family could understand. It came time and we still didn't have anyone. We went anyways and they weren't even home! I had the distinct thought that it was okay because there was someone else we needed to teach. We went porting in the area and found this sweet lady who had been given some books by some TJ's years ago and so that's all that she's had to learn religion because she can't read French very well, only Armenian. She was so cool and has an adorable family and wants her children to grow up righteous. Awesome. We told her not to worry because we can teach her and give her all the materials in her own language. Fulfilment of prophecy? I think yes. The next day, the other sisters were blitzing on their exchange, meaning the other equip came to Chalon so they could do double the work. Sister Carvahlo is from Portugal and so they were able to come with us, on the fly, to visit our Portuguese family, who were actually home! God knows and loves all His children. He knows what He's doing. On another note, we were able to find an old ami. She was only met with once and they didn't get her number. But we visited and they happened to be home. We had a Lecon 0 with her and Sister Packard briefly mentioned baptism and she jumped at it! She said that's what I need! I need to be baptized! Fixed a date for November 23. Our ami, Soufiane, who moved to Paris, called us. He told us the missionaries in Paris called and he saw them on the bus, but was too scared to talk to them. I freaked out, as per usual, and said, What! You need to go up to those missionaries and say Hi I want to be baptized! And tell whoever they're talking to that they should really listen to these guys. He laughed and agreed. Then he asked if he could still get married if he was baptized. Of course! And he asked if he had to marry other Mormons because he didn't know any. I explained temples and told him to go to church. He's still reading scriptures and doing better at not smoking, so I'm really proud of him. But he said he's too stressed trying to find a job right now to meet with the missionaries. So I may or may not bug him all the time. He'll come around eventually. 

Save a Sole lately?

     We had a killer Relief Society activity this week, given by Soeur Miller. It was about food storage and emergency preparedness. We got to talk about spiritual emergency preparedness, so I obviously related it to sports. (Don't worry, I've been doing the 30 day arm working and jump roping to prepare for all my "trials" aka about 40 hymn books). But I was able to bond with Soeur Hemy, who apparently played sports as a kid. And Soeur DuCoeur sat next to me and we kept sneaking candy. And Agathe is turning in her papers to serve a mission in April. That was a pretty good day. Sunday was a little more rough. Apparently the RS President flipped out in the middle of her lesson. We had two amis at church and we taught them with our DMP, his wife, and a recently activated member. It really was great until Frere Landre mentioned something about there being more than one God and then our ami, Lewis, was upset about it. Our other ami was totally oblivious. But now we have to do some damage control. We also finally got the member, Sheila, who we met at the bus stop to come to church with her daughter. And Sacrament meeting was super good. Our Branch President is awesome. He's super jolly. That's the only word I can use to describe him. We're finally starting to get the missionary work rolling here and more of the members involved. They are really awesome at fellow shipping them at church. And they are so happy when we get amis to come. Now we just have to help them forget about their past feuds between each other and it'll be perfect. Vive la France and les petites branches. Too much history. But we're working on it and I think it's getting slightly better. We did have a member randomly show up to a lesson. I guess they were friends and our ami knew that he was a member. Sweet. Also, we're probably going to a basketball game this week with a member and our amis, so psyched for that. 

     I guess I'll just leave you with the challenge to invite. If members here can give out BOMs and invited people to activities so can you. In fact, I think it's a lot easier for you. Figure something out. Invite a friend and the missionaries over for dinner. Invite them to the Halloween activity (because I know that they happen). Invite them to FHE. Make a game plan and go for it. Some really spiritual man once said that a missionary without goals is a tragedy. Well it's the same for members. If you aren't a member, invite yourself. I do it all the time. There's probably free food.

One Foot in the Grave

camera museum

Fact Francaise: Have I written about pointy shoes yet? I really like them. The shiny ones. They're super classy. I always ask the rich business men to trade shoes with me. This week, a guy said, "No way! These are so comfortable I sleep in them!" No one has said yes yet. I will keep trying. At least they laugh. Then I tell them that our message is even cooler than their shoes. BAM! Emril. 

We are working so hard to have five baptisms before the end of the year. We have a lot of amis who are actually pretty faithful to us, which is such a blessing. Now we just have to convince them to take a leap of faith. Dunk of faith? I'm in a weird mood. We found Beatrice, an old ami of five years who knows the missionaries make her happy, but doesn't understand still and hasn't sincerely prayed or read the Book of Mormon. We told her she's got to put some effort into this. Then I asked her to be baptized three times. She still has some things to understand. Like the Apostasy. We met with our professor ami, Stephane, and taught some Plan of Salut and other eternal truths. I think he is finally realizing that this is not just a history lesson. He is just super busy with classes, but he really is making an effort to fulfill his commitments. And he loves basketball. He's a winner. Lewis is a young kid to whom we taught the Retablissement of l'Eglise. Then I asked him to be baptized. Twice. He didn't say no, but he has some great questions that can be answered easily. It's funny when amis ask these questions like they're trying to trip you up, but then you answer it easily. Thank you, modern revelation. I can't wait until our next lesson. We also have this sweet Portuguese family we're teaching. They love God and the Bible and are totally d'accord with everything we've taught. Unfortunately, eo fallo un POCO de Portuguese. And I can remember very little Spanish. Fortunately, I know a sweet less active who does speak Portuguese. She and her son came with us to teach our first lesson and it was so great! She would translate for us and then add little tidbits of testimony on the end and then tell us happily what she said. "I told them we're the best church!" Haha, greattttt. She's so funny and her kid is pretty cool. He's our age and doesn't really have a lot to do because he's looking for work. We went over early Sunday to get them and bring them to church. We came in and the dad, Eduardo, says, oh, Joana is sick! And we pray with them. And then the dad says, What time is church? How long is the walk? Okay everybody PREPARE! So they all got ready in record time and we went to church! And the church members were great and Joana bore her testimony in Sacrament meeting. And then we had a break the fast afterwards and the kids were running around playing with the other kids. I love families. 

The Croguennecs

We are trying to teach our church leaders how to work with the missionaries. They have such good intentions, but their efforts are a little misdirected at the moment. So we're slowly trying to ease them into it so it doesn't look like we're bossing them around. Our DMP is super old and recently fell down the stairs. He's milking it for all it's worth, but he's having a rough time at the moment. We did service-weed pulling at the Sanna's house. Let me tell you, I have never loved such labor as I do know. I miss raking the lawn most of all. I don't think I ever really minded that one. But I understand when Mimi talks about working in her garden now. Everyone in France loves gardening. That's all they do in the summer and everyone does it and makes so many vegetables that no one can get rid of them! It's frigid here now, but that's how it was my first few weeks. That was fun, anyways. Laura, a young woman, and I bonded by feeding our grapes to the dog while Soeur Sanna wasn't looking. Then we visited another less active, Soeur Ziveri, who has a strange love of cats and also Elvis Presley. Can't complain about that really. He's got some good music. Although her fanaticism is a bit teenager-esque. Like posters hanging on the wall, books, movies, CDs, the lot. I convinced my companion to come outside with me in the mornings so I can sprint and jump rope. I have never felt so good on a mission. And I told her I'm probably going to go back to my regular diet and just eat cereal for breakfast and dinner and then we can have real food for lunch. I am also one week into the 30 Day Arm Workout. Yikes. I can feel the poison, Koby. 

We had Zone Conference. These are my favorite. I am really weird at them because I just love all missionaries and get so excited. The theme for the day was party. All three hours up to Geneva, I kept saying "Party Car! Woot! Woot!" and the same throughout the day, replacing car with other words. We literally just arrived on time, but we waited for a few other missionaries. When I walked in though, it kind of broke the mood of reverence a bit. You know how I am. I was running around, shaking hands. Elder Ardesch, as per usual, "You are crazy." Yes. Yes I am. I was freaking out. But I got another hour long interview with President, as requested. I always have so many questions and ideas for him. He's the best. I will probably come over to his house for dinner a lot when we're both living in Utah. He told a funny story of when he was training a new Elder in the reputational armpit of the mission (not anymore), and they working as much as they could, cutting lunch and doubling up studies and whatnot. They worked hard all week and had a guy who was getting baptized Saturday! Friday at night, he got a notice that he had to be out of the country by midnight or else he would never be allowed back. So they gave him as much church literature as they could and cried. Then Elder Roney tried to boost his comp's faith as they went contacting. Late at night, they decided to do one more contact, just one more. And they saw a figure emerging from the other side of the park, wearing all black. They go up to him and start contacting him and he says, "I know  who you are. And I do everything in my power to destroy you." And then disappears into the night. His comp literally falls to the ground, crying, and says, "Not only do you have to work us to death, but you have to contact the devil!" Haha. Funny. Turns out the guy secretly taught a bunch of people in his country about the church, came to France, got baptized and the PH so that he could go back and illegally baptize all the people. Sweet. 

Someone told me this week that tomorrow is my five month mark. I freaked out. I am working really hard on that 30 day extension. Right now, it's a maybe. I am working hard to make myself indispensable. It's going well.

Arm Wrestle with the Devil Himself

     Here's a French language tidbit just for T Dawg. (That means Tina, so somebody make sure she sees this!) The word "sage" means wise in French. It means that in English too, but it's less commonly used. I have to say this word all the time. When I quote James 1:5, when I describe myself, you know. 

Landre's I Spy house

     Last week I was so tired I took a nap. On P day. For like 40 minutes. It was absolutely vital and revitalizing. Not sure if that's a word, but I've been throwing made-up words into essays for years now. Oh boy we had a killer week. Let me tell you about Tuesday. We had an apartment check by the Millers, our senior couple here, mainly to give us a new toilet seat. Not sure how it happened, but it literally broke off from the toilet!  We weren't sure what to do with the old toilet seat, so I hung it on the lamp fixture on the wall. We had a small discussion about what to do with this ward because everyone has a feud with everyone else and it's kind of ridiculous at this point. We can't exactly feel comfortable bringing ami's into a ward where people have "allergies" to other people. So we came up with a game plan. Our RDV fell through, so we went to find a less active. His address wasn't on the ward list, but we found it anyways! He lives next to a restaurant and the owner came out and told use when he's home so now we can stop by. We also met a cool guy with a Muslim background who has a family and really wanted to go to conference. Then I contacted this hilarious man! He has 26 variations of the Bible and the Book of Mormon (which he hasn't read!) and he told us to call him Francois le Diable. He kept trying to argue about why he couldn't read the book or why we shouldn't talk to him and I finally just said, "Look. Let's have an arm wrestle and if I win, you have to read the book." He said no, but he got a good laugh out of that. We had another RDV with two amis, one broke up with us and the other is actually interested, so that's exciting! Then we went to go try to visit a less active and we met a girl who wants to learn about eternal families and gave us her number. Then, we contacted a girl at a bus stop-turns out she's a member who's been here for two months and hasn't known where the church was! Good thing there was a traffic jam, so we had barely enough time to get her number, because the bus came! Then we saw a recently reactivated member, Frere Picard, pushing his car. So we went over and pushed his car all the way to the gas station. I contacted some guy across the street in his car. He yelled Wait there! He drove around the round about and pulled over to give us his number. We met another young guy almost immediately and got his number and fixed a RDV. Then a Portuguese couple who speaks a little French. And that night we had a RDV with the coolest guy ever who will probably be baptized in like 3 weeks. I wish he didn't have to move to Paris two days later, but there is very little work to be found in southern France. Unless you like to pick grapes on plants they cut off at a meter. Talk about back-breaking. Wowzers. I can say that because I have an Inspector Gadget jacket. What a day. We are teaching the Portuguese couple and the young guy, Lewis, who we fixed a RDV with. They are awesome. 

Hey Hootchkins!

     Other highlights of the week. I did an exchange with the sisters in Dijon and maybe found them a new ami. There was a lady sitting on a park bench, and I just held up a BOM and said, "Do you want to read this?" Pourquoi pas? Why not? Good question. Fixed a RDV for them. I came home and the sisters had set up a pretty good prank for me. First I was lured into my bed by an expired fruitcake. I didn't want it, but they kept telling me to eat it. Sister Packard said, pose with it so we can take a picture! So I kind of lounged out and held it above my head, like someone was feeding it to me. And there, above me, was our toilet seat, tied to my bed, with a creepy picture of a member and a note that said "Missed ya, Hootchkins!" I laughed for about ten minutes. That's how people say my name here. Weird.

      I ate dinner at the Landre's house. No explanation for that, you just have to see the pictures. They have a theme of knives and butterflies throughout their whole house. But their house is more like an I Spy book. Sunday we watched about four thousand hours of conference. Our Branch President said we couldn't do it at church, so that was awkward for all those people we invited to come watch with us. We watched it at the Millers' house with some other members. We watched in English in one room, while they watched in French. Their house is kind of cold, so I definitely brought my footy pajamas for this event. Frere Picard was laughing for twenty minutes. No exaggeration. After that, all you had to do was point at me and nod and smile, and he'd crack up again. He's never seen foot pajamas before. Quality. 

     

Goin' for 'Sweet and Innocent'...Riiiight!

Funny story regarding conference. Earlier this week, Frere Landre, our DMP, told me that he let the missionaries come over originally to his house because they were really sweet and innocent and submissive. Then he told me I wasn't like that and I need to be more submissive. If I arm wrestle a guy, I need to let him win, if only to make him feel good about himself. (Then he taught me a sneaky way to win, so I'm getting mixed messages...) Anyhow, he went on for about ten minutes about how I'm really tall and aggressive and Sister Packard is really good at being sweet. Then we had the conference talk by D. Todd Christofferson about how we have enough women who are tough, we need more meek ones. I laughed about that. Okay! I get the message! Although I might wait to apply this fully until after my mission. While I'm a missionary, I can blame winning arm wrestling matches on the strength of the Lord. Go invite someone to an activity! You have no idea how vital members are to missionaries. Start preparing people. A member of our ward has his first run-in with the church as a child at a member's birthday party with a chocolate fondue. Now, he's a member. Paint a badge on your heart, put your man pants on, and calligraphy pen ready, and go invite someone! 

Got a text from a person unknown visiting France

My wife and I visited a small branch in Chalon last Sunday while on 

vacation where we met your cute daughter. She looks very happy 

and excited about her service. The members of that small branch 

love her, and support her. 

Bro. Haymond