Naomi Hutchins Wears Real Clothes. Again.

I love Sundays. They always make me so happy and just refresh me for life. This week, church happened to be particularly excellent. The talks were all great. Sunday school was interesting. And the entire EQ said I should just stay for PH! (I didn't, but I really wanted to and even the bishopric welcomed me with open arms). The family skyped-but most of my roommates missed it. Which is a bummer because they keep saying that meeting my family will explain some things about me. They're probably right:

Ward Prayer turned out well this week. The apartment introduced themselves as if they were a basketball team and it was pretty funny. We got invited to probably 3 or 4 game nights, but got all the good people to come over to our place. Canute narrated a fantastic game of
sun-church was really good, skyped the fam for 2 hours-explains things about me, ward choir/prayer, games werewolf.

Bridal Veils

We nominated the Little Girl as our Village Leader (or tie-breaker) and she was the first to go,     found at my bedside. The villagers voted to kill the witch (who has the power to kill once and save once). Unfortunately, her lover also voted her off and then killed themselves in a fit of grief. Her lover was a werewolf, and apparently a very confused one. The next night, the seer finds out who the remaining werewolf is and is immediately killed. The villagers vote to kill Cupid as well. All that remain are the werewolf and the hunter. The werewolf kills the hunter, but the hunter manages to get off his last shot and the werewolf is also dead. All that remains in the charming village of Kuzcotopia is bloody carnage. 

Monday was a holiday! Emarie Swenson provided crepes at her house and we had a contest between the Tahitian Elder Taua and French Elder Carre to see who could name the most US Presidents in honor of the day. Carre won. Emarie and I 'hiked' Bridal Veil Falls with the guys we met at a dance Friday. Pictures to come. And I went to FHE because they played volleyball. It's the worst when they trick you into coming by doing an activity that you enjoy.
Tuesday my roommates thought I was dead. I went to school. I worked. I studied. I went to Hannibal's house for some Taco Salad and pleasant conversation. I took (and did very badly on) my Physics test (only to find out that the rest of the class did equally poorly). I had a sweet basketball game where I kind of remembered how to play. And I made myself a root beer float with sprinkles ice cream. The middle days of the week were full of classes and studying. Nothing much to report there besides my decreasing attention span for such trivialities as studying.

Layton & Fox (& Kunzler)

Friday I got to hang out with the Athletic Trainers at Pleasant Grove High School. The athletes have it made there. Every other day, their last period class is "basketball" where they start practice early and watch film and stuff. And their training room is legit. Some of the kids took an ice bath after practice while watching She's the Man. The only bad thing is that they also have advanced torture equipment-and by that I mean long pieces of wood covered in carpet that they have to push up and down the court when they do something bad. Yikes.

The French (Belge) man himself!

Emarie and I studied French and ate In N Out. We lost our water polo game and are essentially guaranteed a spot in the Lower Division (we hope!). And Lauren and I crushed Ho'o and Mandy in a game of Hand and Foot, which I actually really enjoyed. Emarie, Abby, and I made it to the temple to do dealings for some of Abby's family Saturday morning and got to help out a bunch of French people as well. I passed around a volleyball with my roommates for a while. Then my roomm
ates had a date in my apartment (which I did NOT want to be a part of). And it was only awkward when I got really hungry and had to get food. And when I had to leave my apartment and every person started talking to me in the .2 seconds it took to get to the door. Sounds like they had fun though, so that's good. I went to a French party with Mallory Layton and anyone else you can think of. Emal made an appearance. Magleby even drove down from Salt Lake. Kevin Foote and I had an awkward conversation about how we both know Sam, on the men's basketball team. Caroline, Jordan, and Abby were all there. Gruber tried to hug me. Dean tried to fight me. Taua tried to box me out. I photobombed every single picture taken. All in all, good times. I love the France Lyon Mission. It's the best.

Robison, Magleby, Hutchins, Jones, Layton, Deweese, Gardner, Carter. 

Leon Trotsky Thinks You're Hotsky

Fun fact about college: all events offer either t shirts or food in order to increase attendance. I like this.

 

I'm wearing real clothes. And
a scarf from my Gma. 

After church Sunday, Derek and I drove Ben's car back up to his house for Lindon and stayed for family dinner. It's been far too long since I've attended one of these, although I don't remember there being so many people. Roger brought his wife and his bff Lee, Tanner is back and Hunter is here now, and Derek and I are both back. Crazy. Joy made us delicious waffles with fruit and whipped cream and then we watched Frozen until we had to be back for ward prayer. Game Night was a riot- Derek brought people, my roommates brought people, and I brought people. (Things got weird when one of the people invited asked Derek's BF's GF on a date...) That and the general craziness of TI made for an eventful evening. Alexis Carre came -all the way from France- and Hailey Howden left me with some crepes.
Monday I ran a real mile for the first time. I got my goal of 8m30s, but it was...rough. I also found this bar in my closet that I tried to use for a pull-up bar. It worked for about three days until I forgot to be gentle and just kind of jumped on it because I was so excited to practice my pull-ups. Don't worry. Screwed that baby back into the wall. I caught the end of FHE, where we were writing Valentines/pickup lines. Noah won with If you were a superhero, you'd be Batman. Cuz he's the best. Think about it. Makes sense. My comment of the night, however, goes to Myles:

Win. 

    Are you a terrorist? Because you're the BOMB!
    Myles: Strapped to his chest....
Tuesday night we had our water polo game. Our strategy, since we want a t shirt, is to get bumped down into the lower division. So after we were winning by a ridiculous amount in the first 5 minutes, I started shooting with my left hand. And sometimes mission on purpose, or taking crazy precise shots. At half time, I switched to defense and John switched to goalie. The girls down there were playing dirty. I got kicked in my body. I mean, tubes are typical, but actually kicking the person? Yikes. They won by two because John didn't try to block any of their goals, we only half tried to block their shots, and we told the refs they got a goal when they really didn't. That loss was frustrating because they thought it was real and because they were cheating so badly. Mals, Sage, and I dropped by her institute for the post-class snacks. Then I remembered that it's 2 for 1 Crazy Bread at Little Caesar's Pizza. So we went in at 9pm and the guy told us that the deal ended at 8. So we bought one crazy bread and a pizza. As we were walking out, he yelled out, JK about the 8 o'clock thing! That swindler. It's Honor Week. You can't lie during Honor Week.
I used a combination of deals to get a $12 Subway meal absolutely free. I ate it with Wheeler Heck in the YServe office. Then I went to French Club's Mardi Gras event with the Rellaford brothers. Got myself some hot chocolate and a t shirt. I also got a free cookie and hot chocolate in the Wilk earlier in the day and ended my Ultrasound trial. I'm a rich man. Thursday I got a free waffle dinner (much deserved after that ridiculous finance exam I took). I also watched a guy do a triple bypass surgery and some vein harvesting. Gross. In his own words, This should make your butt pucker. I don't know what that means, but I agree. Then I went to Brick Oven with Shiboi for some free pizza (in exchange for listening to a Living Scriptures presentation during which a multitude of witty comments were made and all of them by me).

What does it mean-
to be someone's
Valentine?!

Friday, Lavinia received a stuffed animal and chocolates and agreed to be some kid's Valentine-but only for today- and then stole my mom's phone and texted me about it. She's 9. Victoria Beeny brought me free lunch. I hung out with the men's basketball team all afternoon and a goodly number know people in the France Lyon Mission. So we just talked about missions and
basketball, my two favorite topics. I also got to practice taping with their AT. Apparently I'm really pretty good. I watched Romantics Anonymous (a silly French movie) with Kjersti and Clara. Then Caleb Smith and Derek Sanchez drove me to a dance recital. I watched Emarie dance and then we went to a real dance. I love dancing. We didn't know anyone, so we danced with everyone until we found the funnest boys. Then we just danced with them. And helped them jump their car. Also, there was a chocolate fondue and strawberries. I slept at Emarie's and we watched a movie.

Thanks, dad. 

Early Saturday morning, Emarie and I went to the temple. Derek and I went to the mall to talk to the Living Scriptures guy a bit more and stopped in H&M. I'm a much better shopper than I used to be. And I like shopping with Derek. We were in there for 15 minutes and found the best deals. I spent $11 on two shirts that I really like. I played frisbee with the ward. At one point, a random guy who had joined us took his shirt off. Weird. When my team was deciding to play a man defense, the guy next to me leans over and says, I guess I'll take the shirtless guy. I mean, I don't have to touch him, do I? Let's hope not. I'd been avoiding it all game. Then Lauren and I went to the store and it was jam packed, so we were freaking out with our windows rolled down until an old man yelled Do you need a spot? And then waited for us to pull up to his car so we could park in his spot. We made cupcakes and took a nap. Then we got some Mexican food to celebrate Arizona's birthday. Then the real fun began. Who's seen the Call Your Girlfriend music video? Well, we made our own.

Happy Valentine's Day. 

Watch these two videos simultaneously. Start the bottom one first. Mute the top one. Enjoy.

And just for old times' sake, here's a post from a secret, communal blog from that one time I tried to fly home over winter break and got stuck in the airport for four hours. Thank heavens for Lauren Bellon's quick-wittedness and ability to text back. 

So Gnomey and I had quite the day today. Here is a glimpse into our text messages. Lets start with the ones that started it all:
1. Roses are red, foxes are clever. Can I touch your butt, like maybe forever?
2. Roses are red, you're such a tease, when I see your butt I wanna give it a squeeze.
3. Roses are red, I don't mean to be pushy but give me a chance- can I touch your tushy?
4.Roses are red- and beware this is crass- but I like you a lot and also your
5. Roses are red please won't you be mine? Your butt is so plump and deliciously fine.
6. Roses are red and i'm in a slump, but i'd like to end it by touching your rump.
7. Your butt is nice, we'll leave it at that, but maybe tonight, I can give it a pat?
8. Your boyfriends not here and nor is your pap, it's time to give your butt a tap.
9. Roses are red, do you have the runs? Cause that'll be awkward when I touch your buns.
10. Roses are red, i'm glad you're no granny because i'm no creep when I touch your fanny.
11. Roses are red, don't be so coy. Can I touch your butt if i'm a good little boy?
12. Roses are red, now please do not fight. Cuz when I hold your butt, I hold it real tight.
13. Roses are red, don't be so whiney, I like it a lot when you shake your hiney.
14. Roses are red, I like you so much. And also your butt, can I give it a touch?
15.Roses are red, now listen up cutie, I'm not a pirate, but I sure like your booty.
16. I've lost track it might be the rum. Or maybe the pleasure of touching your bum.
17. Roses are red, I bought you a papus -a, in exchange would you let me touch your caboose- a?
18. Roses are red, you're a fine piece of meat, now relax my young lass, while I handle your seat.
19. Roses are red, stop with the twitch, I'll give it a scratch if your bum has an itch.
20. Roses are red, if you'd be so kind, to give me a kiss as I squeeze your behind.
21. Roses are red, rich people are snooty. Don't hold it against me but you have a nice booty.
22. Roses are red, homeless live in the slum, I know this is forward but can I touch your bum?
23. Roses are red, this is a new tactic, I like your butt and I just want to smack it.
24. Roses are red, my morals are loose and that is why I wanna touch your caboose.
25. Roses are red I can't help but stare, when I walk behind you at your deriere.
26. I am so close, just one more inch, before I reach out and give your bum a pinch.
27. Roses are red, the heavens I'll be thanking, for the moment I can give your bum a spanking.
28. Roses are red, scissors can cut, I sure do like your badonkadonk butt.
29. Roses are red, I have a faucet that leaks I think you're attractive and want to touch your cheeks.
30. Roses are red, and I'm not a quaker, I sure do  like when you shake your money maker.
31. Roses are red, I can use nun chucks, I would be happy with my hand on your buttocks.
32. Roses are red, my point might be mute, but there is nothing I like more than touching your glutes.
33. Roses are red, now listen  my dear there are few things as fine as your adorable rear.
34. Roses are red, I sure do love easter, please be a dear and let me grab your keester.
35. Roses are red, plugs go in a socket, can I walk with my hand in your back pocket?
36. Roses are red, let me reach out my arm. If your butt is cold, then I'll keep it warm.
37. Roses are red, I love the autumn there is nothing quite like your perfect bottom.
38. Roses are red, the sun shines bright, I can't really think when your bum is in sight.

I Mean, It Was Like...

Dad: Nothing's changed!
Trevor: Ya, Naomi still looks like a walrus.

This week was so long and so exhausting that by the end of Saturday night, my roommates were calling me "Drunk Naomi" and wouldn't let me walk outside by myself. Mind you, I wasn't actually drunk, just really tired. But I digress.

The Moons of the Fam.

I love Sundays, but when you have 1:30 church, they just aren't as relaxing as usual. Mornings are great, and I get stuff done, but by the time church is over, it's practically Monday. We come home, eat dinner, choir, ward prayer, game night, bed. (I still wake up at 8 and go to bed at 11, so we don't have time for much else.) But hey, Sunday was great. I went to Temple Prep-my favorite class. Derek and his roommates came to my sacrament meeting. I skyped briefly with the fam. Our film was a hit at ward prayer and now the whole ward knows me and says hi to me on campus although I have no idea who they are. And we had game night with a new apartment of boys. We play none other than the Totally Insane Card Game (hereafter referred to as TI).

Why do I get the butt?

I didn't even have any sports games this week and it was crazy. I worked. I worked out. I studied for and took too many tests. I went to several French speaking labs to catch up. I worked on a Microbiology project on Anthrax, which went surprisingly well. We first contacted each other at the beginning of the week, did our own parts, met up for an hour Thursday, and presented Friday. And when your teacher is nodding and smiling during the whole presentation, you know it's solid. I had an interview with EFY that went well (thank you, missionary prep). My friend Wheeler Heck works at YServe (a service organization at BYU) and saw my video for ward prayer and said they needed a new videographer for YServe. So I had a pretty casual interview with some ladies there who loved the film. Now I just need to meet with the current videographer and see what's up.

We just love candy!
Hey! Me too! 

 I didn't have a ton of extra time this week, but luckily Cougareat employees have the perk of a 50% off discount. And if you are an awesome employee, you can get "Awesome Cards", or the equivalent of $2 free at the Cougareat. Basically, I make deals with people to get these cards. I got $12 worth this week. And my boss bought me Jamba Juice. But I used them to spend nothing on food when I had no time to eat, but was starving. They came in handy. Then I have my friend, Victoria Beeny who brings me food during French. And Rachel May bought my breakfast at Kneaders. So, you asked what my weekly food bill is, dad? Not much, when you can work the system.
 The main reason things were so crazy was because I needed to get stuff done before Friday. Derek, Dallin Smith (a friend from RI), and I road tripped up to Salt Lake, to pick up my dad from the airport, then up to Logan to see Hannah. We started off Vietnamese style with some Pho, sushi, and an underage waiter named Kevin. Hit up the Logan temple next, and by that I mean Logan castle. From there, we headed to the Bluebird cafe, aka CANDY STORE. Brings back good memories of Pushing Daisies, episode 8. The waiter guy was hilarious. Then we headed to the hotel, and since Dad forgot Racko, we were forced to play Headbands (You put a card on your forehead and everyone gives you clues to guess the word.) So here, sons and moons, is what happened during the "Music" category:

Three pounds later.

Did we get yelled at by our neighbors? Yes. Yes we did. (Dad: What, no, there's no teenage boyS in here!) Hannah and I left and went to her dorm with her roommates that are not nearly as great as my own. We watched Captain America 2 and I understood every word the bad guys said in French at the beginning. (Stuff like: What's going on? You have two minutes to tell me or I'm going to start killing them! Ok, who wants to go first?) I eventually went to bed.
I woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. If P Diddy is always really hungry when he gets up. I thought I was supposed to meet the guys at the hotel so we could go to breakfast while Hannah had a shoot around and her team breakfast. Apparently, that was not the plan. Since I didn't know where anything was, they sent Dallin back to escort me to the gym. Then we watched the shoot around. Who watches those, you may ask? No one. You're not even supposed to be in the gym. Eventually, though, we left and went to breakfast at Herm's. And by breakfast, I mean 16" wide, 2" thick chocolate chip pancakes. Derek and I were smart and split ours and also had a side order of crepes. We left feeling not super full, but just tired of pancake texture in our mouths. No one has finished a pancake by themselves.

Has Naomi always been this crazy? 
Yes.

We picked up Hannah and bought her some TP and shampoo. (She usually just handles things at the gym, where it's free, but sometimes it's nice to have stuff at your apt. Just in case.) Then we tried to find Derek some dating shoes. Unsuccessfully.

I shall return. 

We watched some BYU vs. USU rugby until Hannah's game. Then we hung out with Grannie B and King Chuck, my delightful relatives. And we watched a really close game between USU and New Mexico that was ultimately decided by...poor reffing. Hate that. The team autographed posters for us. And we left. Eating the world's best burgers at Maddox in Brigham City (delicious despite being terribly ordered by Shiboi Derek). Dropping dad off at Clinton Christiansen's house in SLC, before returning to Provo. I dropped off Dallin and Shiboi before going to my ward dance. I love dancing. I do it like a crazy fool, but I enjoy it. I even met some new friends. I also managed to only dance with two boys and despite us being friends and having a nice chat, I still felt terribly awkward. #MissionaryForLife. Since I was also the driver (partially because no one else wanted too, partially because it distracts me from how long the voyage is), and I stayed up really late and worked super hard all week, I was exhausted by the time I got there. At 5pm, it felt like 11 already. But I promised my VTee that I would help with cleanup. So I stayed. And I was so tired, that I could barely open my eyes, let alone walk in a straight line. Hence, Drunk Naomi.

Hutchfilms presents...

Curses with my brothas
from an otha motha

Sunday was eventful with Becca Huckstep sleeping over. Also we had a brunch with another apartment. I had to go to church early because I got a calling. That's right folks, Ward Prayer Guy. That's what I get for telling Bishop that I think Ward Prayer is silly. My comp, Isaac, is in the same boat. But we've had some good ideas and this upcoming activity should be legendary. I went to a French party. Then I went to ward prayer. Because I have to now. Then we had a game night with my bro, my roommates, Myles, and our new friends, Canute and Christian. I like them. They grew up in a parallel world-also 10 siblings, 5 boys/5 girls, and we've seen all the same YouTube videos/films so we already know each other's inside jokes. We played Bang and Curses. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

Made this quiche. How domestic.

I worked with a guy from Italian-speaking Switzerland this week. Work is getting more tolerable. But I am glad I only work ten hours. School is getting more intense. I was so terrified before I took my first real exam this week. Then I took it and remembered that I actually knew stuff, so it wasn't bad at all. I got paid for the first half of my Ultrasound study that I'm helping with. (Hannibal rubbed my back this week and still said it was atrocious, so it'd not working too well.) I also ran into my favorite teacher, Dr. Seeley, who is going to start a knee pain study and asked me to help!
At FHE, we became acquainted and played the Saltine challenge. Worst. At Jordan Jones' waffle party, I met an ex-Paris missionary who loves cereal almost as much as I do. I checked some French books out from the library. In case I ever have time to do some leisure reading. Cam and I tried to go to the temple, but turns out their hours are different depending on which day of the week it is. Thus,

Related to Joseph Smith.
Thank you,
Relation Finder

we sat and read scriptures. I listened to a talk by a French diplomat. Forfeited a water polo game. And won a basketball game. I'm actually not too bad, besides the facts that I'm way out of shape and can't make a shot. By that I mean, my strategy/moves are still good, just rusty on the execution. And I went to the men's volleyball game. Forget the Tall Club, Mimi, I need to join the men's volleyball team. It is just refreshing to watch real volleyball in all its glory. My Finance teacher introduced us to the website Relative Finder, that shows how you're related to, well, anyone. All the prophets, presidents, famous people, and each other.
The big news of the week really is Ward Prayer though. I had some pretty revolutionary ideas and luckily my roommates were on board. Basically, we are supposed to introduce our apartment to the ward and revelation told me it should be done via silent black and white horror film. And there's how I spent the majority of my week. Hutchfilms is at it again. And my filmmaker brother's love for short, cheesy YouTube vids is reborn. And here it is; just another normal day at Apt 82.