Sunday, October 4, 2015

The Most Popular Kid

My life really is great. Last Sunday our stake had a special fireside with Tad R Callister himself. Flashback to the MTC when I got to meet him in the flesh and shook his hand for far too long. He spoke about the Book of Mormon, quashing any theories about its origin other than that Joseph Smith  translated it by the power of God.

After practicing post moves at the gym for an hour, I saw Le Petit Nicholas, a hilarious French film. A boy in Nicholas' class gets a new brother and tells him about how his parents were acting weird beforehand and then disappears, as if his parents got rid of him. Nicholas sees the same signs in his own parents when they come up with an idea to get his dad a raise at work, so he has to convince his parents to keep him. I ran into Joshie Boy  and so we enjoyed the film and our juice boxes together.

Thursday is my favorite day of all the days. We had a mission reunion and I was on time and got front row seats and everyone was dressed like missionaries. I was seriously in heaven. PRoney spoke about how in order to be happy we need to love everyone and keep the commandments and how we need to look for opportunities to improve peoples' lives, since we are no longer missionaries. While everyone was standing in line for crepes, I got a tour of the house from Sister Roney (along with a bunch of mission swag) and I love her. Then I talked to everyone there (and confused them by bringing my brother along instead of a lover). Once most people left, I talked to President Roney all about my life and I love him. I stayed there until 11:30 and then exited via his balcony tube slide. I love everything about this night except that it ever ended.

A couple of my teachers messed up their scheduling a bit and so I ended up having 2 tests scheduled for Friday through Monday. Which would have been great except I have AT Clinicals until 6 on weekdays and GC this weekend. Since the testing center closes at 6 on Monday for FHE, I had to take my both tests Friday night. Ugh. But I'm pretty smart, relatively unphased by testing, and they didn't go too badly. Then I watched BYU football crush UCONN (my hometown!) with some friends and Greg's old ZL. Then I caught up with my lovely roommate, Emarie, for the first time in ages. Then I made this movie for Derek's birthday.

Mom came an hour earlier than planned to pick me up, but it was good because my phone was lost and no alarm set that morning and I still needed to pack for the weekend. We watched conference on Derek's huge TV and then shared a meal at Tucanos in celebration of family reunions and birthdays.

Greg hates watching conference with us because we make jokes or comments on occasion. Sorry not sorry. After the second session, we drove to SLC, dropped the boys off at PH and visited the mall. Where we ran into my Canadian mission daughter, Sarah De Oliveira! I like her a lot. She hung out with us for a while and helped us eat some cheesecake. I wish she lived closer.

After sleeping on the most uncomfortable beds and having Weeny K knee me in the butt several times, we went to the morning session at the Conference Center. If you were worried about us arriving on time, don't. We were there before security. That's real life.

We had lunch at Granny B's house (although Papa Bear would have been perfectly happy to let us die of starvation during the afternoon session). We ate a thousand pies and I came home with at least seven of them. I'm expecting to be voted most popular kid in the ward next Sunday.
Also we found this car stethoscope.
Let's hope it's never used on humans.

In light of our continuation of work on our Family History board game, "Guilt", here's a story for you: Derek and I both hate olives. Least favorite of all of the foods ever. So this one time, our Mom (knowing that even at that young age we contained an inhuman amount of hatred for these small, variously colored food poops) proclaimed that we each had to eat one olive in order to get dessert. Naturally, we threw them on the ground while her back was turned. Bowler that I am, mine bounced off the baseboard and rolled neatly under the fridge, where it may or may not have remained until this day. Derek's hit my mom in the foot. She then picked it up, thought it was mine, and made me eat it. Derek got off scott-free and ate his dessert unabashedly. Until tonight, when we made him eat a small fruit that bore an uncanny resemblance to these atrocious excuses for nourishment. #suckstosuck #karma

And here are some messages that I got from conference:

Lawrence, Cook, Hales, Eyring, Clark: Ask, what do I need to change? Then be disciplined. Set goals to improve. Roneyism: Make a specific 20 year plan, goals to get there/be the person your ideal spouse should marry, use all your backbone to get there. 

Holland, Renlund, Nelson, Monson, Rasband: Love people like a mother loves her children. Raise a sin-resistant generation. Roneyism: Love is the key. Look for opportunities to spark people everywhere and always. 

Stephens, Keetch, Uchtdorf: Rules/commandments/gospel are designed for our happiness. Roneyism: If you want to be happy, love everyone and obey the commandments. 

Sunday, September 27, 2015


If you were wondering what we do in my Athletic Training classes, this is it. We wanted to make sure that ultrasound and short wave diathermy actually increase tissue temperature (thereby promoting injury healing) deep within the muscle. So we stabbed Matt with huge temperature probes 3cm into his calf while I ultrasounded him (and played 300 Violin Orchestra to make it more intense).

Remember how my class tried to vote me president and I vetoed it, in favor of another kid who actually volunteered (poor sap)? Well this week, he told me that I'm the voice for the class and asked whether we should have an activity Friday or Saturday. All the power with none of the responsibility. Or meetings. I'm all about that life.

I missed the AT Club meeting (except for the last five minutes, which conveniently preceded the pizza and free shirts) due to class, but a classmate gave me the DL: email this guy and you can go to fun conferences in cool places paid for by BYU. I emailed the guy and it turns out that I accidentally applied for a district AT committee position thing that I still don't fully understand yet, but only one person from each college gets the position and I won. Weird.

I took my first real test (since I don't know if you count a 30-question multiple-choice test that my teacher gave out the answer for in advance and is open book). Chemistry: as my blog sidebar reads, I am trained quite well in this category. Especially open-ended questions. Cake.

Me, Matt, Clain
Me, Sarah, Lindsey

Laser Tag. Again. My roommates and some other friends made a last-minute decision to go to the sketchy down town arcade for a nice battle. My team, the Spiderpigs, won (thanks to some random kids-reigning US National Laser Tag Champions-who joined our team last minute). Holla.

Check Comic Con off the bucket list. I woke up early so Sarah could paint my face and then put contacts in without even messing it up.

I was Darth Mall, minus the double-sided red light saber. Derek was a ghost. Classic.
 I saw the cast from my favorite movie. As we were taking this picture, the waitress threw confetti in the air and said "Mazel tov".
I bought a t shirt of Admiral Ackbar in an admiral costume and won a free bookmark and $5 off a haunted house. 
 I went to a panel on how to make movies on a low budget and Derek went to a panel on Lost.
Shoutout to Cam, my templing buddy, who not only did a session with me, but also helped me acquire the required face paints.
 Then I had to wash my face paint off so I could go to women's conference with Emarie, Lyndsie, and Sarah. We had practically front row seats and then hung out with Mama Swenson and the cousins for dinner. Then I carried the kids around like footballs while we were looking for the parking garage.
 Let me tell you about my best friends: Lauren and Emarie. I love them a lot. They're ridiculous and crazy and wonderful and sometimes lie outlandishly. I would literally do anything for them. That's all.

And speaking of people I love, Tad R. Callister is speaking at a stake devotional tonight and I'm so excited. And I'm going to make movies with all my friends this week. La vie est belle.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Grilled Cheese with Onions

Sunday was the start of something wonderful. And by that I mean, my wonderful roommate, Emarie Swenson and I did weekly planning. And it worked out so well. I downloaded a To-Do List App and put all my assignments on there with time frames. Every day I get to check off boxes as I do things and I actually accomplish them all with plenty of time to spare. Holla. Emarie and I also went on a short walk to the swings while she read me Isaiah. She's the best.

This week is my last week where I actually have to go to work every night at the Cougareat. Which is good, because next week I have a plethora of tests to take care of and would otherwise have zero time to do so. But I hurried home Monday so I could make it to Callings Night. What is Callings Night, you may ask? Good question. There was a table with ice cream and plenty of toppings that the ward enjoyed while waiting for an interview with one of the bishopric to get a calling. This happened to take place in my friend, Matt's, apartment and I had my interview in his room. Scandalous.

Moment you've all been waiting for: I am on the Spiritual and Temporal Welfare Committee. What does that mean? Another great inquiry. (Because not even the interviewer could grant me a satisfactory answer.) However, I had my first committee meeting today, so I can tell you our main responsibilities are employment specialization, ward prayer, and emergency preparedness. I am the latter. Which means get ready for the 12-part series How to Pull a Handcart 101, including (among others) the following courses:
     1. How to survive on only dandelions and watermelon rinds
     2. How to fight off a zombie attack
     3. How to win allies and influence them to feed you
     4. How to organize a last-minute 3v3 basketball tournament
All emergencies. All my strong suits. Welcome to the ward.

Here's the twisted web of my life. Ryan Sagers (my old AP) and Abby Luthi (a lovely mission companion) are married. They set Emarie Swenson (my spectacular roommate/MTC companion) up Christian (Ryan's cousin, who's great). And they set me (the greatest human) up with Corbin (Christian's best friend, who is delightful). It was a blast and I was glad Emarie set it up.
I discovered that Christian, Ryan, and Corbin used to make movies when they were kids. And they're hilarious. So Team Hutchfilms and Team Timpview (and also Emarie, who has awesome ideas all the time!) are teaming up to make some memories. Little do they know. We're just as crazy as they are.

Friday I got to Skype Lauren in Italy and she told me all about her adventures and all the chances she has to teach people about the gospel. Jealous. Next time, we'll go on a foreign adventure together. I also practiced my accordion skills, which remain dismal at best.

The athletically gifted Emarie Swenson convinced me to run the Dirty Dash with her. As a 10K. As Kevin says, I would 10 kill myself. It was awesome and, as usual, I was glad Emarie convinced me to do it. We climbed through trenches of mud up to my waist and then it would dry up, and then back to the trenches. And at the end, we went down the longest slip and slide ever. Emarie was cruisin' the whole time like a boss and I did ok. We're good partners.
I took the longest shower of my life and washed all my clothes several times and long boarded over to Derek's house. I chatted with him and my arch-nemisis David Monson for a while before hanging out with Christian/Emarie/fam for a football extravaganza. We were simultaneously watching the BYU  and Utah games (because Christian's brother Britain is #18 for the Utes). Again, great fun.

As a result of the race and also the goodly number of straight-legged dead lifts I did during my Friday workout, my hamstrings were so tight I could barely walk to church today. Good thing I have connections and also a charitable friend in my program. Matt came over and graciously rubbed out my hamstrings, an experience I hope never to repeat despite its beneficial long-term effects.

Just in time to go back over to Derek's to Skype the family, catch up on the dating lives of Alexis Carre, Steven Kunz, and Styrofoam, unofficially athletically train V Taua's injured rotator cuff, and retrieve my longboard. And back in time for waffles.