Sunday, July 23, 2017

When the Bass Drops

Did you know that Mormons are weird? They are. There was a competition called the "Dating Dash" that just ended for all the Mormons within 50 miles of here - 3 points for a first date, 1 for a repeat, and +1 if your date involves a given theme of the week. It started a month ago and ended on Monday - I know because there was free ice cream at the awards ceremony.

Get this.

The winner was a beautiful brown lady, who totaled 190+ points and spent $0 to go on dates.

The runner up? Her friend, whose only goal it was to beat her, who lost by 13 points, went on 2-3 dates per day, and spent over $2500.

I mean, it makes sense.

My project of the week was a music video for Bryan's birthday to "I'll Make A Man Out Of You". It didn't turn out near the caliber I'd wanted, but it was fun to make and funny to watch, nonetheless.

Me, an Asian woman dressed as a man.
 Ok time for a funny conversation. It was so punny that it must be immortalized on the internet, despite its bawdiness. PARENTAL GUIDANCE ALERT. #myfamilyisfunnierthanyours

          omikins14: aah, deek and his boob fetish
          omikins14: it's a titbit strong
          omikins14: breast watch out, shennsley
          xandino: you've been planning this for ages haven't you
          omikins14: just had to get it off my chest
          xandino: and there it is again
          omikins14: gotta milk it for all it's worth
          omikins14: racking up the jokes
          omikins14: subJUGating you all to my bawdy humor before i bid tata for the night
          xandino: you should've stopped while you were on top
          gerg: omikins14's boobs are jokes
          shennsley: weak, gerg
          gerg: to be fair i'm a boob noob
          omikins14: yeah gerg, bust out a better one
          omikins14: cmon bra
          shennsley: even tho you're unsupported
          shennsley: flappin around makin everyone uncomfortable
          gerg: i'll admit my jokes have been sagging a little tit lately
          xandino: how you guys come up with this stuff is just breast-taking
          omikins14: if you just stare at the Cs long enough, the inspiration just flows
          gerg: almost as breast-taking as those runs to walmart? lol
          deek: no need to nip back at your bro sheesh

I am the high scorer of the Chins for
knowledge of the English language.
Friday was a chill day. After work and the gym, I worked on changing my music from iTunes to Spotify. Then the fam just chilled, ordered pizza, and watched 10 Things I Hate About You (great movie). Cenita came over to just chill and chat.

I like her.

I'm glad I demanded that we be friends.

This isn't a pic from yesterday, but it is a pic of my friend Larsen who was there.
He was even wearing the same outfit. How embarrassing.
I shopped, I cleaned, I worked out, I even watched some of Heartland with Liv. It was a pretty chill Saturday. Autumn went to Payton's endowment ceremony - btw congrats gurrrrllll.

Bryan and I went to the SLC v AZ Quidditch match (which SLC actually won). It was fun to see some of these kids again and be constantly reminded how ridiculous this sport is. I'm not even mad. Also the weather was perfect, including a few wayward raindrops that made their way to the field.

We crashed a pool party in our civvies and found the dopest guest house - whose only flaws were: 1. that the front door opens straight into the bathroom and 2. that there were no games for the nintendo. But there was a foosball table, a pool table, a chess board, and enough space to turn our bodies into pretzels. It was a good night.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Our Diet Starts Tomorrow

My diet started on Monday. I've never dieted before, but my trainer said I need to eat about 3000% more protein to prevent my muscles from literally melting off the bone. So far, so good.

Do I even believe in muscle melting away?
Not until sarcopenia hits.
The basketball camp I've been working is almost over - which is a shame, because those little Italian bambinos are finally warming up to me. And realizing that massage does NOT, in fact, solve everything. What a legacy.

I didn't realize, but I guess one of the ladies we work with has been pretty flirty and touchy with my coworker. Which explains why he's always so salty when she comes in. And I get it because I'm the same - if it's not the right person at the right time, I just get super annoyed.

One of my favorite old men, who was awed at the superior quality of LDS hymnals, busted his 4x surgified knee while standing up from a table. It wasn't the knee we were currently treating, but either way, I feel so bad for the poor guy.

Kudos to Autumn for ensuring the deliciosity of these eclairs.
Autumn and I went to a party at Wendy's on Friday (instead of a pool party an hour away in the rain - which I still have moderate regrets about). I interrupted the vastly segregated seating arrangements and promptly got knocked out of a game of Werewolf. Then I won, along with my co-werewolf and lover, Sam. Funny kid.

Joyeux Bastille Day! I ate one of my leftover eclairs and tried to find a good bakery, but in proper French fashion, the only real one was closed for the month of July. Figures. But this Bastille Day is more special because Wheeler and Dee are married now! They are the literal cutest. I love them so much.

The literal cutest. 
After failing to complete several errands, I helped Autumn with hers - including getting her car washed (which is probably something I will never do). We chilled at Kaleb's birthday party for a while until I convinced them to watch What We Do in the Shadows, which is dang funny (credit to Shiboi for suggesting it). And then we met up with another kid to walk around West Gate for a while.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Domestic Goddess

In addition to regular work, I picked up a few hours taping ankles at a local basketball camp in the morning. I did NOT realize all the kids only speak Italian and the coach thinks that every problem can be solved with massage. But the coaches are cool and asked if I would want to help coach in the fall. I haven't decided yet.
Look I found the perfect candle for ye olde deek.
And it glows when it's lit. Yiss.
The Fourth of July, Autumn, Heidi, and I went up to Sedona - comparable to France's L'Esterel with its beautiful red rock. Since I can't do anything fun anymore, we just walked around the town, saw the famous church, and tasted all the free samples of fudge and jerky. (Including ostrich and alligator.)

The three adventurers.
We ate at 99 Agave, a delightful Mexican-esque place. Autumn and I split the most delicious food but I don't remember what it was called. #Gringo

Whatever it was, it was good.
I loved the heat so much that I decided I was part-reptile. Which would explain my affinity for them. Also my excitement when a man from some conservationist group had several cages of holdable snakes. 

The literal dream.
We tried to go up to some other scenic lookout place, but it wasn't free. Nixed that idea, but we did find this scenic lookout place en route, so it wasn't a total loss. 

And some nice girl took our picture.
We got back just in time to be fashionably late to a pool party, where our limited 'legal' fireworks almost caught a tree, the yard, and the dog on fire. Almost. 

Obligatory BFFs.
Good thing we like each other.
Thursday I invited myself over to Cenita's so we could be real friends. I like her. We chatted for a while and ended up watching Stranger Than Fiction, which was perfect. (Would you rather have a life or a stack of pancakes? Depends on the quality of the pancakes.)

Friday was the best day. Autumn and I went over to Alex's place with Bryan and we made Brazilian cheese bread reminiscent of Tucanos. We played Betrayal at House on the Hill - a game in which Alex and I turned vampire, Autumn died, and Bryan barely made it out alive. Jenga stressed Alex out so bad because we kept taking all the blocks from the bottom. We asked a few Would You Rathers and looked at fetus-level pics of ourselves (yikes...). AND THEN they showed me this cool version of Mario Kart where you just have to kill each other and I would've won EASY if I actually had any driving skills and didn't knock myself out of the game by crashing into stuff two seconds into round 3. Next time. 

#Righteous. Let's go.
Saturday I woke up early enough to go to the Spanish session at the temple - so I could get a headset and listen in French. I also did a bunch of errands, including buying snacks that will up my protein intake by 4,000% (as per the request of my fitness commander). 

Also Autumn helped me make eclairs. She's the real domestic goddess. 

Two pictures because I couldn't see what
they were gonna look like.
Six friends. That's the total. And they are delightful, one and all. We know how to pick 'em.